Giving the bird to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

Let me to take a minute to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. You picked the day before my girls were to go back to school to blanket my Southern California desert town with snow. Thank you so much for that. I was so looking forward to driving them to school, opening the passenger door, throwing them out, and heading home for a day of quiet and doing nothing. But, no. At 8 p.m., the school called with an automated message confirming my fears that there would be no school. And, with the way California schools react to the oddity of snow, they will more than likely cancel school again Tuesday. I cannot wait to have them come in and out of the house all day long, bringing with them wet clothes, snowballs, every kid on the block, and requests for hot chocolate. Ahh, and to do it on a day that I already had off. You couldn't wait till next Monday, the first day I was to be back in the classroom. Nope, you decide to really mess with me. So, thank you. Thank you very much you selfish bitch.

Sincerely,

Coach

Finding perspective just in time

It's time to start writing again. It has been too long.

A lot has happened since I last posted with any regularity. Life changing events that I may or may not get into at a later date. What I will say is that I am glad to be back.

It has been too long.

Christmas is tomorrow and I couldn't be happier. All four of my daughters, my brother and sister-in-law, two of Jen's kids, and her sister and mother will all be at my house for dinner tonight. Jen and I no doubt will be going nuts with all the company, yet, neither of us would have it any other way.

The fact that Jen and her kids will be over is a huge victory for me. I almost lost her two months ago. Seems she could no longer handle my inability to handle coaching football in the no-win situation I was in.

I got so bad during this last football season that I alienated every one I worked for, with, and those who worked under me. And, in the process, I forgot those who were most important, my girls and Jen.

My girls never really complained. They continued to go to practice day after day with me and put up with my yelling at them for not leaving me alone while I coached. They did it in weather that ranged from hotter than hell in the late summer, to colder than shit in the early winter.

And, they have done it their whole lives while never complaining that my career has kept them from playing youth sports, taking piano lessons, or cheer leading for their schools with their friends. To them, me coaching football was what WE did as a family. But, it shouldn't be that way.

I should be the one in the stands watching them.

It took looking over at my girls during a practice in late October, bundled up and huddled together while trying to do their homework, that it was time for a change. And that change meant that Coachdad was about to be just Dad.

Ironically, a week after I made my decision to walk away from the only job I have ever wanted, Jen informed me that she would be moving out in November. I was told I allowed the job to affect me to the point that she can no longer handle being around me and that for her own sanity, she had to leave.



Thankfully, she didn't leave. I was able to convince her that the Brett that she fell in love would be back. The Brett that had perspective, that was able to put family and loved ones ahead of everything else, and the Brett that was able to make her laugh endlessly.

That Brett is still here and isn't going anywhere. And, like I said earlier, I am glad to be back.

I am sitting here staring at my computer screen wanting to punch a hole right through it. It seems it is all I do now.

Sit and stare at it and hope that words will magically appear in front of me. But, night after night, it doesn't happen. Instead, I succomb to my inability to get anything started, click off Microsoft Word, and start surfing the web.

When I started a blog in 2009, I thought I was doing it because I missed writing. I had written professionally for newspapers off and on for 12 years and and missed the rush of turning an empty screen into a 12- to 30-inch story in 30 minutes.

What have I realized over the last few months though is what I like the most

There probably aren't too many times where you will read the following sentence... but here goes:

I love my ex-wive.

And, I do.

Oh, we will never get back together and I don't have any aspirations of that happening. Just too much water under the bridge.

However, I do love her and do want her to be happy, successful, and content in her own life. I want her to have those in every aspect of her life: career, parenting, and her relationships with other men.

And, I don't want that just so my kids can grow up in a healthy, happy environment when they are at her house.

I want it because she deserves it. She deserves every bit of it.

Honestly, I didn't always feel this way about her. There were so many times over the last five years that I wanted the opposite for her.

If she was in a relationship, I hoped it failed. If she was happy about something at work, I hoped she was laid off. Quite simply, if good or bad could have happened in her life, I would have preferred that that the bad thing would be what happened.

The biggest reason why I wanted all this bad to happen to her was that I wanted her to regret asking me a for a divorce. Any opportunity for her to sit back and think, "Maybe leaving Brett wasn't the smartest thing I ever did. He wasn't all bad."

I may go to Hell for feeling that way, but if I do, I am sure there will be a whole lot of ex-wives and ex-husbands who are down below for feeling the same way.

To be honest, I don't know how I held on to all that resentment for so long. Every time we

There probably aren't too many times where you will read the following sentence... but here goes:

I love my ex-wive.

And, I do.

Oh, we will never get back together and don't have any aspirations of that happening. Just too much water under the bridge.

However, I do love her and do want her to be happy, successful, and content in her own life. I want her to have those in every aspect of her life: career, parenting, and her relationships with other men.

And, I don't want that just so my kids can grow up in a healthy, happy environment when they are at her house.

I want it because she deserves it. She deserves every bit of it.

Honestly, I didn't always feel this way about her. There were so many times over the last five years that I wanted the quite opposite for her.

If she was in a relationship, I hoped it failed. If she was happy about something at work, I hoped she was laid off. Quite simply, if good or bad could have happened in her life, I would have preferred that that the big thing would be what happened.

I feel no remorse in feeling that way and I am sure I am not alone when thinking of their ex. However,

Valentines' Day

(My post from 2009... I am poet and didn't know it. Glad to say that I am one of the ones with love in 2010.)

Those with love
Smile in the joy of having what so many of us desire
Embrace this perfect gift and remember what brought it to you
Every detail and loving gesture that lit the heart's fire
Should be continued through and through by you two

Those without love
The hope of love can be the greatest love of all
Beating inside you with what you seek out
Never compromise youself, never fall
For one day you will find love, there is no doubt