Drink anyone?
To scratch, or not to scratch.
Not saying if this reminds me of me.
Don't do it!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Just for kicks
Time really hasn't been too kind to me lately. So, no new post any time soon. Enjoy a few cartoon's from the great Gary Larson that I received in an email yesterday. Have a great Friday.
Drink anyone?
To scratch, or not to scratch.
Not saying if this reminds me of me.
Don't do it!
Drink anyone?
To scratch, or not to scratch.
Not saying if this reminds me of me.
Don't do it!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I got home from football practice today and was welcomed into the home by three girls who just back after two days with their Mom. Looking at them, I couldn't believe how beautiful they have become.
After a few minutes of deciding what we are going to do the rest of the day, I walked into my room and took a glance at the mirror on my closet door. I couldn't believe how old I looked with wrinkles every where and grey hair mixed in a beard that needs cutting.
Still looking in the mirror, I wondered how I could of possibly played a role in daughters' beauty.
How did these beautiful girls come from this????
For more Wordful Wednesdays go to Seven Clown Circus.
After a few minutes of deciding what we are going to do the rest of the day, I walked into my room and took a glance at the mirror on my closet door. I couldn't believe how old I looked with wrinkles every where and grey hair mixed in a beard that needs cutting.
Still looking in the mirror, I wondered how I could of possibly played a role in daughters' beauty.
How did these beautiful girls come from this????
For more Wordful Wednesdays go to Seven Clown Circus.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Sitting on a cold concrete floor with my arms crossed and my head buried in my chest, a man twice my size and with blood all over his shirt began to walk toward me.
He stopped a foot away from me to my right, unzipped his pants, and began to pee in a urinal. I could have reached over and touched the dirtiest toilet I had ever seen from the only available place to sit when I was led into the cell in the Los Angeles-area jail.
Never moving my head while he was there, I closed my eyes and began to wonder what brought me to what was no doubt the lowest point in my life. I am lucky enough to be a father of four beautiful girls, have the job that I wanted ever since I was in grade school, and I am generally pretty happy in life.
Yet, here I sit with nine other men, at 2 a.m. on Sunday morning, in a 10x10 cell, knowing that five hours later my girls would wake up and ask my roommates why their Dad was not home. That thought made me realize that there was really only one thing that could make me jeopardize everything that I had in my life.
It was alcohol. Like my mother had been all my childhood and my older brother who developed into one as a young adult, I knew then that I had become an alcoholic.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seven hours earlier, I fought through Los Angeles traffic en route to my 20th high school reunion. Truthfully, I didn't want to go and see my former teammates on what was one of the best football teams our school ever had.
However, I was repeatedly told that I had no choice.
"Brett, you have to go," Jenny said, who I had known since junior high and was the reunion organizer. "You are the football coach of the school we graduated from. How can you not go? Everyone will want to see you!"
That was exactly the reason why I didn't want go. While seeing old friends and sharing stories from the past was intriguing, having to answer questions on why our football team is now struggling was worth avoiding.
"Don't worry about all that..." Jenny continued. "You will have a blast and everyone won't care about what the team is doing now."
She was right. I did have a blast and everyone was more interested in seeing pictures of my girls than how the team was doing.
For five hours, I laughed, shared parenting stories, and reconnected with people I had grown up with and hadn't seen since graduation. And, I drank.
Every time another former teammate or friend walked up to me to talk, they brought with them a drink for me. I didn't buy a drink during the night. But, that didn't stop me from not knowing how many I drank.
Despite going with the intention of not drinking, I never turned down a drink and was enjoying downing beers with my former drinking buddies.
I was funny, loud, and felt pretty damn good about myself. The shy, insecure kid from high school was now the head football coach at the school we all went to and was also the fun guy to be around.
Shortly after 11 p.m., I began to say goodbyes and started to head to my car when I was stopped by one of my oldest friends.
"Hey, are you OK to drive?" he asked while puffing on a cigarette.
"Yea, I am good. But, let me bum a few cigarettes for the drive home. It will keep me busy and awake."
He handed me three cigarettes and I got in my car and jumped on the freeway. I drove for 30 minutes and thought I was driving just as I would if I was sober.
Driving in the fast lane, I finished the first cigarette and flicked it out the window to avoid the smell lingering in my car. Rolling my window back up, I checked the rear view mirror. My heart began to race as I saw the flashing lights of a California Highway Patrol car behind me.
I couldn't believe it. I had no idea how drunk I was, but was pretty sure I was over the legal limit of .08. Moving my car off the freeway and onto an off ramp, I told myself to calm down and act relaxed when the CHP approached my car.
Stopped on the side of the road, I waited as two officers approached both sides of my car.
"License and registration please," said the younger of the two CHPs.
"Here you go, Sir. Everything alright?"
"Well, everything was alright until you threw a cigarette out your window. Have you been drinking?"
I was speechless and didn't know what to say. Stupidly, I lied.
"No, Sir."
"Well, you were driving fine and we pulled you over because of the cigarette. But, I can smell alcohol on you. If you would have told me you had two beers, we would probably have let you go. You need to get out of your car for a sobriety test. Are you willing do that?"
"Yes, Sir. Whatever you want."
I got out and went through test after test. I touched my nose with my eyes closed, counted backwards, and walked foot over foot down an imaginary line. After I was done, the CHPs talked to one another quietly for a moment before asking me to blow into a breathalyzer.
I agreed and waited patiently after blowing the first time. The younger CHP then asked me to blow again. It was after the second time that I began to understand the situation I was in.
"How fucked am I?" I asked as he waited for the results. "Am I fucked? I am so fucked. Damn... I can't believe this. I am so fucked."
He then looked up from the breathalyzer and told me what I didn't want to hear.
"Sir, you blew .0823. You have the right to reamin silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney present during questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After two slip-ups on consecutive weekends after my arrest, I am proud to say that I have not had a drink in 115 days. It hasn't always been easy, but it also hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be either.
Instead of drinking after football games with other coaches, I drink iced tea or have a non-alcoholic drink. No one harasses me about not drinking, and I can't believe how much easier it is on Saturdays or Sundays at football meetings or practices without suffering from a hangover.
The definition of an alcoholic is different for every alcoholic. I believe I am an alcoholic because I couldn't stop once I got started. Enough said.
I am thankful that my night in jail didn't involve me hurting anyone with my car, didn't cause me to lose my family, my job, or end the relatively new relationship I am in with a wonderful woman. It could have been a lot worse for me and my family.
But, that still doesn't change that fact I am... "Brett, and I am an alcoholic."
He stopped a foot away from me to my right, unzipped his pants, and began to pee in a urinal. I could have reached over and touched the dirtiest toilet I had ever seen from the only available place to sit when I was led into the cell in the Los Angeles-area jail.
Never moving my head while he was there, I closed my eyes and began to wonder what brought me to what was no doubt the lowest point in my life. I am lucky enough to be a father of four beautiful girls, have the job that I wanted ever since I was in grade school, and I am generally pretty happy in life.
Yet, here I sit with nine other men, at 2 a.m. on Sunday morning, in a 10x10 cell, knowing that five hours later my girls would wake up and ask my roommates why their Dad was not home. That thought made me realize that there was really only one thing that could make me jeopardize everything that I had in my life.
It was alcohol. Like my mother had been all my childhood and my older brother who developed into one as a young adult, I knew then that I had become an alcoholic.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seven hours earlier, I fought through Los Angeles traffic en route to my 20th high school reunion. Truthfully, I didn't want to go and see my former teammates on what was one of the best football teams our school ever had.
However, I was repeatedly told that I had no choice.
"Brett, you have to go," Jenny said, who I had known since junior high and was the reunion organizer. "You are the football coach of the school we graduated from. How can you not go? Everyone will want to see you!"
That was exactly the reason why I didn't want go. While seeing old friends and sharing stories from the past was intriguing, having to answer questions on why our football team is now struggling was worth avoiding.
"Don't worry about all that..." Jenny continued. "You will have a blast and everyone won't care about what the team is doing now."
She was right. I did have a blast and everyone was more interested in seeing pictures of my girls than how the team was doing.
For five hours, I laughed, shared parenting stories, and reconnected with people I had grown up with and hadn't seen since graduation. And, I drank.
Every time another former teammate or friend walked up to me to talk, they brought with them a drink for me. I didn't buy a drink during the night. But, that didn't stop me from not knowing how many I drank.
Despite going with the intention of not drinking, I never turned down a drink and was enjoying downing beers with my former drinking buddies.
I was funny, loud, and felt pretty damn good about myself. The shy, insecure kid from high school was now the head football coach at the school we all went to and was also the fun guy to be around.
Shortly after 11 p.m., I began to say goodbyes and started to head to my car when I was stopped by one of my oldest friends.
"Hey, are you OK to drive?" he asked while puffing on a cigarette.
"Yea, I am good. But, let me bum a few cigarettes for the drive home. It will keep me busy and awake."
He handed me three cigarettes and I got in my car and jumped on the freeway. I drove for 30 minutes and thought I was driving just as I would if I was sober.
Driving in the fast lane, I finished the first cigarette and flicked it out the window to avoid the smell lingering in my car. Rolling my window back up, I checked the rear view mirror. My heart began to race as I saw the flashing lights of a California Highway Patrol car behind me.
I couldn't believe it. I had no idea how drunk I was, but was pretty sure I was over the legal limit of .08. Moving my car off the freeway and onto an off ramp, I told myself to calm down and act relaxed when the CHP approached my car.
Stopped on the side of the road, I waited as two officers approached both sides of my car.
"License and registration please," said the younger of the two CHPs.
"Here you go, Sir. Everything alright?"
"Well, everything was alright until you threw a cigarette out your window. Have you been drinking?"
I was speechless and didn't know what to say. Stupidly, I lied.
"No, Sir."
"Well, you were driving fine and we pulled you over because of the cigarette. But, I can smell alcohol on you. If you would have told me you had two beers, we would probably have let you go. You need to get out of your car for a sobriety test. Are you willing do that?"
"Yes, Sir. Whatever you want."
I got out and went through test after test. I touched my nose with my eyes closed, counted backwards, and walked foot over foot down an imaginary line. After I was done, the CHPs talked to one another quietly for a moment before asking me to blow into a breathalyzer.
I agreed and waited patiently after blowing the first time. The younger CHP then asked me to blow again. It was after the second time that I began to understand the situation I was in.
"How fucked am I?" I asked as he waited for the results. "Am I fucked? I am so fucked. Damn... I can't believe this. I am so fucked."
He then looked up from the breathalyzer and told me what I didn't want to hear.
"Sir, you blew .0823. You have the right to reamin silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney present during questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After two slip-ups on consecutive weekends after my arrest, I am proud to say that I have not had a drink in 115 days. It hasn't always been easy, but it also hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be either.
Instead of drinking after football games with other coaches, I drink iced tea or have a non-alcoholic drink. No one harasses me about not drinking, and I can't believe how much easier it is on Saturdays or Sundays at football meetings or practices without suffering from a hangover.
The definition of an alcoholic is different for every alcoholic. I believe I am an alcoholic because I couldn't stop once I got started. Enough said.
I am thankful that my night in jail didn't involve me hurting anyone with my car, didn't cause me to lose my family, my job, or end the relatively new relationship I am in with a wonderful woman. It could have been a lot worse for me and my family.
But, that still doesn't change that fact I am... "Brett, and I am an alcoholic."
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Dear Coach,
Just wondering, where have you been? Everything alright? Been too long since we have heard from you on your blog. Hope all is well. Can we get anything from you soon?
Sincerely,
Your Bro
That's right. I got an email from one of my best friends from high school asking me where I have been. I have a question for him now... Why not call me and ask? My blog is the only place we can connect?
Where I have been? How about trying to endure a football season from hell?
Or, how about going to a doctor appointment in October for a rash and being told a I need a number of biopsies done on different spots on my face? Doesn't matter what kind of cancer it is, being told that you have can scare you a little.
Or, how about trying to move from one side of the town to the other with little help from guys like you? There is only so much four little girls under 11 can carry from the house to the moving van.
Or, how about having to hire a lawyer for the first time in my life for something other than a divorce? After having never been in sort of trouble with the law in 38 years, I spent the night in a jail cell with nine other guys who actually looked like they belonged there. Good times.
Or, how about rushing out after my last class to get my girls from their school, bringing them back with me to football practice for three hours, heading home to make dinner, help them with homework, and then finally putting them to bed?
Is that enough? Or, should I go on? Even I did write a real post, I wouldn't know where to start.
With two weeks left in the football season, I hope to get back to writing on regular basis. But again, where do I start when I start?
How about this... you tell me what you want to know more about from what I told you that has be happening. Do you want to know more about my football season, my battle with skin cancer that currently has me with 32 stitches in my head, my time as a jailbird, the move from hell, or the comings and goings with my girls?
You decide.
Just wondering, where have you been? Everything alright? Been too long since we have heard from you on your blog. Hope all is well. Can we get anything from you soon?
Sincerely,
Your Bro
That's right. I got an email from one of my best friends from high school asking me where I have been. I have a question for him now... Why not call me and ask? My blog is the only place we can connect?
Where I have been? How about trying to endure a football season from hell?
Or, how about going to a doctor appointment in October for a rash and being told a I need a number of biopsies done on different spots on my face? Doesn't matter what kind of cancer it is, being told that you have can scare you a little.
Or, how about trying to move from one side of the town to the other with little help from guys like you? There is only so much four little girls under 11 can carry from the house to the moving van.
Or, how about having to hire a lawyer for the first time in my life for something other than a divorce? After having never been in sort of trouble with the law in 38 years, I spent the night in a jail cell with nine other guys who actually looked like they belonged there. Good times.
Or, how about rushing out after my last class to get my girls from their school, bringing them back with me to football practice for three hours, heading home to make dinner, help them with homework, and then finally putting them to bed?
Is that enough? Or, should I go on? Even I did write a real post, I wouldn't know where to start.
With two weeks left in the football season, I hope to get back to writing on regular basis. But again, where do I start when I start?
How about this... you tell me what you want to know more about from what I told you that has be happening. Do you want to know more about my football season, my battle with skin cancer that currently has me with 32 stitches in my head, my time as a jailbird, the move from hell, or the comings and goings with my girls?
You decide.
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